


Coming Home

by GodricSalzaar16



Series: Voltron: Reunited [1]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Acceptance, Altean Alchemy, Attempt at Humor, Bisexual Lance (Voltron), Black Paladin Lance (Voltron), Blade of Marmora Keith (Voltron), Break Up, Dads of Marmora (Voltron), F/M, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Galra Empire, Gen, Hunk (Voltron) is so Pure, Insecure Lance (Voltron), Keith/Lance (Voltron) Angst, Kuron is Shiro (Voltron)'s Clone, Long-Distance Friendship, M/M, Male Pronouns for Pidge | Katie Holt, Mind Control, Mind Control Aftermath & Recovery, Minor Keith/Original Male Character(s), POV Alternating, Post Season 5, Shiro (Voltron) Has PTSD - Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Space Uncle Coran (Voltron), Team Bonding, Thace & Ulaz (Voltron) Live, Trans Pidge | Katie Holt, broganes, klangst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-08
Updated: 2018-04-09
Packaged: 2019-04-05 04:36:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 11,211
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14036301
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GodricSalzaar16/pseuds/GodricSalzaar16
Summary: So ready to get back to youKeith is having doubts about the Blade of Mamora and longs to be reunited with his old team. Krolia will do anything to keep her son safe, even if that means leaving the only life she's ever known.Across the galaxy, Lance and the rest of the team continue noticing Shiro's strange behaviour and become increasingly distrubed and concerned. Shiro himself begins having strange visions, of which only Lotor knows about - and they fear Haggar's involvement.By pure coincidence, the Voltron Team and Blade of Mamora are sent to deal with a situation on a Galra controlled planet. Lance and Keith step up and form their own secret alliance when the two teams begin butting heads.With both the rogue Galra and Haggar on their tails, they can't tell if the mysterious figure that has been stalking them across the galaxy is a threat or an ally.





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> angsty keith

 

 

Keith always wondered what his mother was like. When he was younger, he would pepper his father with questions about her. _What’s she like? Does she look like me? Where is she?_ His father would always smile and change the subject, careful to draw Keith’s attention to something else.  It used to be frustrating, to have all these burning questions on the tip of your tongue, and yet never get the answers. As he grew, he stopped asking. He would take in the sad set of his father’s eyes and the heavy sigh he would give every time Keith asked about her.  He didn’t like seeing his father like that, so he stuffed his curiosity to the back of his mind and never thought about it again.

 

 

 

All that turned out to be for nothing when his father died. That day, he didn’t care who or where his mother was, he didn’t care about what she was like or if she even existed (although, it was impossible for her not to). l he cared about was his father. His father who was never coming home, who Keith would never see again.

 

 

 

And when he did think about his mother, it was with bitterness and resentment. How could she leave them? How could she walk away as if she never even cared about him -- never even cared about his _father_. The one thing his father always told him was that no matter where she was, she loved them. Keith found this hard to believe.

 

 

 

He clung to Shiro then. Shiro who they’d taken in after he joined the Garrison and had nowhere else to go. Shiro who took care of him, before and after his father died. Shiro who was  basically  his brother, and who he _loved_. It was Shiro who held him up at the funeral when his knees threatened to give way under him, _not_ his mother. It was Shiro who was there for _everything_ , and his mother who was there for none of it.

 

 

 

This train of thought drew to a halt when Shiro went up into space. Sure Keith missed him, but it’s what he always wanted.  And then there he was being called to Iverson’s office and  being told  the only person he cared about, the only one _left_ , was gone. Dead.  Just  like his mother.  Just  like his father. No one could  really  blame him for punching that smug asshole in the face.

 

 

 

All thoughts of his mother flew to the back of his mind as he threw himself into not only proving that Shiro was alive but also _finding him_.  He thought his life had changed with his father’s death, with Shiro’s disappearance, but nothing could compare to the change that Voltron brought.

 

 

 

Keith had never had more than two people in is life to rely upon, and  suddenly  he had an entire team. It used to jolt him like a bolt of electricity. The realisation that he had people who cared about him -- people who cared whether he lived or died. He had people who actually wanted him around, and he couldn’t wrap his brain around it.

 

 

 

He’s pulled out of his thoughts as they touch down, and he lifts his head to where Krolia -- his _mother_  -- is standing by the loading door. Her expression  was troubled  , but she didn’t say anything as he stood and stretched. He’d spent most of the flight sitting in the same position, contemplating what he  was supposed  to do now.  A voice came over the intercom, informing them of the regular procedures, and other information that Keith didn’t bother to listen for.

 

 

 

The door opened with a loud _swoosh_ , revealing Kolivan and Thace. They stood side-by-side, with their hands clasped behind their backs. Neither wore their masks, displaying their blank expressions towards Keith and Krolia. It  suddenly  stuck Keith then, how similar he looked to Krolia. (Lance would  surely  have a laughing fit when he found out  just  how long it took Keith to come to this realisation.) They must have known, they must have known this _entire time_. And they hadn’t told him.

 

 

 

His mouth tightened into a scowl, but he pushed it off his face a replaced it with his own blank mask. He wouldn’t let them know how much this affected him -- he wouldn’t give them the _satisfaction_.

 

 

 

Krolia stepped out first and Keith followed a bit farther behind, wanting to distance himself from her and their group.  A tiny part of him, hidden deep in the crevices of his mind, told him that he should be happy -- he found his _mom_ , his mom who he’s been wondering about for years.  But that voice  was shushed by  the bitterness and resentment that had taken eighteen years to build up.

 

 

 

“The mission was a success,” Kolivan stated, not a question. Keith guessed that he must have  just  had that much faith in Krolia’s abilities.

 

 

 

“Overall, yes. But there are some complications that we should discuss.” Krolia said, her eyes flickering back to Keith for a second before turning back to Kolivan.

 

 

 

Keith said nothing as they walked towards the building, and tuned out the conversation the others were having. He caught Thace’s eye, and Thace gave him a questioning glance, which he also ignored. He didn’t know if they were playing oblivious, or if they  just  didn’t want to get into it right now. Either way, he couldn’t muster up the energy to care.

 

 

 

It was so different now. When he was still with the team, after every mission, he would be high on adrenaline.  The minute he was out of his lion, he would run to the training deck and stay there for hours until the high wore off and he  was left  happy, sated and exhausted. But recently, every mission with the Blade left him cranky, irritable and tired. He hated the feeling.

 

 

 

When they reached the common area, Keith’s exhaustion and frustration peeked at the sight of the rest of the members. There weren’t many people his age here, but those who were had not warmed to him all that much.  Most of them shunned him for his skin, and his refusal and inability to learn how to  fully  shift into his Galra form at will.  He stayed away from them as much as possible when it  was required  for them to be together, and both he and they preferred it that way.

 

 

 

Their group was heading to the official meeting room when Keith decided Krolia was more than qualified enough to meet with them on her own.

 

 

 

“I’m sure Krolia can brief you guys on the mission,” Keith said, his voice quiet and he didn’t lift his eyes to look at them, “I’ll be in my quarters.”

 

 

 

He felt their eyes on him as he broke away, heading in the direction of his room.  They’d upgraded the ship a while ago, and everyone had gone from sleeping in one common room, the each having their own private quarters. Keith was most relieved that he didn’t have to share with anyone anymore. He might not have a lot of stuff, but what little he did have, was private. He hated the thought of the others going through his stuff while he was gone.

 

 

 

He still remembers the shark spike of anger that coursed through his body when Azmie -- another Galra close to his age -- went rummaging through his bag. He’d picked up a picture of Keith and the Voltron team.  He continued to mock Keith about denying his Galra heritage and coupling with those ‘inferior, fragile humans’ as he called them.  Keith hadn’t wanted to get into a fight, nor get into trouble, so he  just  ripped the picture out of Azmie’s hands and stalked away. Shiro would be proud of his restraint.

 

 

 

The door slid open after he scanner red his fingerprint. He struggled out of his armour and got into his clothes. His red and green, cargo pants still hung in his closet -- he hadn’t had much opportunity to wear them these days. But he would admit, the sweatpants and jersey he found were more comfortable. It was the closest thing to Earth clothes he had found on a mission to a planet close by.

 

 

 

Unlike his room back on the Castle of Lions, this room was scarce of personal items. He left team Voltron with more things than he had arrived. It still staggered him how attached he’d gotten to the team without even realising it. Coran -- bless him -- had sneaked in over dozens of pictures of Keith with the team and  just  the team in general.  He’d filled a hard drive with countless videos and pictures and random other facts about all the planets they saved.

 

 

 

It took everything in him not to burst into tears when he first watched it.

 

 

 

_But this is for the best,_ Keith thought as he buried himself under the blankets and willed himself to sleep. He hadn’t been a good leader, and Shiro’s return had  really  stuck a nerve in him. Shiro’s cruel words and cold attitude still flashed in his mind from time-to-time. He didn’t blame the other Paladins for not sticking up for him. He could see the uncertainty in their eyes, and even sometimes the _fear._

 

 

 

As much as he didn’t want to believe it then, he could admit it now. They were afraid of Shiro. And he had been too. He would never say it out loud, but after a while, he couldn’t help thinking _This is not my Shiro._ And he hated himself for it.

 

 

 

Ever since they found him again, Shiro hadn’t been the same, and Keith couldn’t blame him. Even with his harsh words, and glares, Keith couldn’t blame him. His experience in space was ten times worse than any of theirs had been.  He’d  been kidnapped  , mind-controlled, tortured, stranded alone on planets and beaten up by various creatures. It was all enough to completely strip someone down and rebuild them into someone else.

 

 

 

It was a naive thought, but Keith always imagined that Shiro was stronger than anything. That no matter what happened, Shiro would always come out of it himself. It was stupid to think that way. _Keith_ wouldn’t have been able to survive even half the things Shiro had. And Shiro had done it all by himself. He was bound to change somewhere along the line, and Keith couldn’t begrudge that. Shiro hadn’t meant to become one, but he always would be a _soldier_.

 

 

 

Keith hadn’t realised he’d drifted off to sleep until he woke up to the loud _swoosh_ of his door opening. He blinked a few times, trying to get his eyes to focus. All he could make out through the haze of sleep was a bright purple figure. He  groggily  pushed his way up into a sitting position and rubbed at his eyes, yawning.

 

 

 

“Keith.” Oh, it was Krolia.

 

 

 

He blinked  owlishly  at her, wondering what she was doing here and how she even got in. Kolivan must have given her the override code during their debriefing.

 

 

 

“What do you want?” he asked, his voice hoarse from sleep, and sharp with suspicion.

 

 

 

He watched as she repressed a wince, and scratched the back of her neck. _So that’s where I got it from,_ he thought but didn’t continue. Their similarities were  startlingly  obvious. And he could only imagine what other traits and mannerisms he’d inherited from her. But that didn’t change the facts.

 

 

 

She left. She left him -- and his dad -- and she never came back. And no amount of excuses and ‘ _I’ll never leave you again_ ’s would fix that. Eighteen years she never tried to find him, to reach out, to do anything that even concerned him. He didn’t care that she was part of this secret organisation that kept her running across the galaxy.

 

 

 

Because no matter how much Galra blood ran through his veins, Keith was still human. And humans were  unapologetically  selfish creatures. And Keith would never apologize for being selfish.

 

 

 

“I  just  wanted to…uh… see how you were doing with-with everything,” she said, trying with a nervous smile.

 

 

 

Keith said nothing for a few moments and  just  stared at her. It was obvious what she was trying to do, but it wouldn’t work. At least not right now. Not when everything was so raw and new and painful. He didn’t want to think about it, or else he would have a mental breakdown.

 

 

 

“Well, as you can see, I’m fine,” Keith said, gesturing to himself, “Was that all?”

 

 

 

He knew he was being rude, but he couldn’t stand to look at her. He wanted to forgive her. He wanted to give her what she so  desperately  craved, what he could see in her eyes. Those words, that sat clogged in his throat, because he wouldn’t let them out. Because they were lies. _It’s okay, I understand, I forgive you._ Maybe  one day he could say them and mean it, but not yet.

 

 

 

“Keith…” Krolia said, and he couldn’t -- wouldn’t -- think of her as _mom._  “It was _never_ my intention to--”

 

 

 

\-- “To hurt me, yeah I got that.You were part of the Blade, and you don’t do attachments. I have to think of the universe, of the job you had to do. It was _more important,_ ” he doesn’t have to add the ' _than me'_ , but it still hangs there in the air between them. “Yes, trust me I know it was never your _intention_ to hurt me, but that doesn’t mean it didn’t happen. And it doesn’t mean I’m obligated to forgive you -- yet.”

 

 

 

She looked stunned and hurt and like she was about to object. But he wasn’t done. He had to get it all out. He _needed_ to get it all out. For his own sake.

 

 

 

“I don’t _care_ , okay? And I’m sorry if that’s rude, or insensitive or whatever, but I don’t. Your reasons -- whatever they are,  however  justified they seem to you -- only seem that way _to you_. But I’m not you, I’m me. And I’ve been on my own for _eighteen_ years. You left. You left me -- you left _dad_. So whatever you have to say, whatever you think will change my mind, it won’t. So _please_ , I’m asking --no I’m begging you --  just  give some time,” he said, his voice broken and desperate. “Because I can’t, not right now. _I_ _can’t_.”

 

 

 

It felt so good to get that all off his chest. The weight that had been looming over him for his entire life lessened and his entire body went light. The shift was so staggering, he got light-headed. He had the strangest urge to laugh -- not at the situation, god, definitely not that but -- at the feeling. He’d never felt this light before, not even when flying with Red. He never wanted it to go away.

 

 

 

“Okay,” Krolia breathed, not looking at him. He couldn’t look at her either. “I-I understand. I’ll  just \--” she gestured to the door.

 

 

 

He nodded, not saying anything more as she left. He let out a long breath when the door closed behind her and collapsed back into the pillow. He stared up at the ceiling and willed her hurt expression out of his mind.  He knew there were circumstances he didn’t  fully  understand, but it felt so good to be free of the shadow that had  constantly  loomed over him for years.

 

 

 

Krolia was his mother by blood, and most would argue that she was family. Years ago, Keith wouldn’t have known what it meant to be a family, but now he does. He shifts until he lays on his side, and stares at the pictures on his bedside for a long time. He ingrains their faces into his memory, every feature. He misses them,  deeply  and wholly. So much so that it’s a physical ache in his chest. A good and a bad thing.

 

 

 

He’s afraid that he’s being a hypocrite. He  just  preached to Krolia about leaving him, but he also left the most important people in his life. But it was for the best, and he knew that. But that doesn’t mean he wouldn’t go back in a heartbeat if the chance arose. _ Maybe  one day… _ he pushed the treacherous thought away and turned over. He hadn’t realised he was crying until he felt the wetness on his cheeks.

 

 

 

He wiped his cheeks with the back of his hand and gave a wet sniff. He could almost laugh. This was never supposed to happen. All he wanted to do was find Shiro, not all this. He never wanted friends -- never wanted anyone that would cause him to feel things. But as always, the universe had other plans for him.

 

 

 

He closed his eyes, curling in on himself. He pushed all thoughts of Krolia, and the universe and Voltron out of his mind. He had a mission to complete, and he needed a clear head to do it. He  slowly  lost consciousness and welcomed the quiet darkness.

 

 

 

*****

 

 

 

Krolia stumbled out of Keith's room and leaned against the wall next to his door. She gasped out every breath, willing herself not lose it right there, in the middle of the hallway, where anyone could see her. A whimper tore its way out of her throat and she plastered a hand across her mouth and shut her eyes. Her entire body shook with the effort not to sob.

 

 

 

She knew it would be bad. She knew Keith was hurting -- because _of course_ , he was. What did she expect? Welcoming arms and a bright smile? Not in her wildest dreams did she even consider it would be this way. Because he was right, she'd left him. And nothing she could ever do would change that. No excuses, no whispered words and confessions would change the past.

 

 

 

She couldn't give him the childhood he'd never had. She couldn't give him the mother he had deserved in his life. It had taken years and years for her to even get a whisper of a word that came from Earth. It had come to her too late that Chin-Mae was dead.

 

 

 

She still remembers the devastation that rocked her body at these words. That beautiful, intelligent man was gone and she hadn't even been there. And Keith. He was alone and scared and angry, and she couldn't blame him. She'd left them, and now she expected immediate forgiveness? No, she wasn't that naive.

 

 

 

Did she think they were going to be a happy family? No, she would have to earn that. She'd seen the picture on his bedside table, and all the other artefacts from his life.  The people in that picture, they had smiles on their faces and arms wrapped around each other's shoulders . That was Keith's family.

 

 

 

She couldn't hold her body up any longer, and she sank to the floor. She pressed her other hand to chest as if that would somehow lessen the pain clawing at her ribs. Tears ran down her face, and she didn't bother wiping them away.

 

 

 

Krolia startled when a gentle hand touched her shoulder. She looked up to where Kolivan crouched down beside her. She sniffed and turned her head away.

 

 

 

"I know it is painful," he said, his grip tightening, "but you did all you could. You couldn't stay on Earth, it would have been too dangerous. He will soon see that, in time."

 

 

 

She shook her head. She didn't want his reassurance, didn't want him to tell her everything would be alright. Keith's words still rang in her ears, filling her mind with their venomous tone. It was more important. More important than him, than his father. That's what Kolivan was telling her. Everything would be fine because she had a good reason. She'd chosen everyone else in the universe but her son. Some -- if not most -- would find that noble. But none of them had to deal with the aftermath. With the look on his face.

 

 

 

She took a deep breath and let it out. She wiped away her tears and sniffed. She pushed Kolivan's hand off her shoulder and stood up. He gave her an indecipherable look, to which she gave him a nod. He sighed and moved out of her way, allowing her to step past him in the direction of her own quarters.

 

 

 

"Krolia," he said when she was a distance away. "I know it doesn't mean much, but. I am sorry for my part. I hope that one day, you will forgive me."

 

 

 

She paused but didn't say anything. She let his words sink in, and nodded. He didn't say anything further and she walked away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It will get better, I promise. I love Krolia and Keith too much.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> angsty Lance

Lance hated confrontation. (And  _yes_ ,  he could hear the laughter of Keith’s ghost in the distance). But it was true. He hated fighting, especially with his friends. His heart  just couldn’t handle it. Of course, it was different with Keith; those fights were petty and insignificant. They never  really meant anything more than riling each other up. Lance would much rather keep his feelings to himself until the incident had passed and carried on. But not this time. 

Lance sat in the hangar, between Red and Blue. They radiated distress and contempt, and he hated worrying them. He  just had to get away from Shiro. And if that was a sentence he never thought he would say out loud, he didn’t know what was. But, he couldn’t stand to be in the same room and Shiro anymore. Not with his glares, and harsh words that cut too quick and too deep for Lance to shield himself to. 

He knew he wasn’t the smartest person on this ship, but that didn’t mean he had bad ideas either. Sure sometimes he could be reckless, and not think things all the way through. But that had been the past, and he thinks that he’s grown a lot since first joining team Voltron. He only wishes that Shiro would see it that way as well. Shiro shut him down every time he suggested something. Sometimes he even cut Lance off before he could open his mouth. 

It unnerved Lance to no end, but he didn’t have the guts to call him out on it. At first, it was because it was Shiro. Shiro who looked out for them, and cheered them up and protected them at every turn. Lance told himself that it was because of everything that happened to Shiro. Being kidnapped and tortured  multiple times couldn’t have been easy. And of course, there would be lasting effects. But Lance never expected it would turn out to be this bad. 

Lance wasn’t only afraid to speak in front of Shiro, but to even be in the same area as him.  He  really thought they were getting somewhere when Shiro admitted that he didn’t feel like himself . Lance had almost jumped for the joy at the confession.  Because it meant there was something wrong, and whatever was bothering Shiro,  _ that  _ was the reason for his behaviour and not Shiro himself . 

But instead of things getting better, they got  _worse_.  Lance hadn’t even thought that was possible, but here they were. It was the little things that got to Lance.  How Shiro would cut them all off mid-sentence, or instead of taking one of them aside, he would yell at them in front of the entire team . No one wanted to reprimand him, they were all too afraid he would turn his wrath on them.  Lance, in particular, had been on the receiving end of many of Shiro’s lectures over the time they’d all joined Voltron, but they were never like this . 

The reason he liked Shiro so much, was because he cared. He cared about  all of them, even though they hadn’t known each other for very long. He made sure he knew all the little details about everyone -- what made them happy, what made them said. He knew what to say, and when to say it. He never hit where it hurt or tried to tear someone down. Shiro was always the one bringing them together, encouraging them. He was their inspiration. 

But whoever this was, he wasn’t Shiro. 

It’s not the first time Lance has had this thought. But he couldn’t stop replaying that scene in his mind.  When they were all in the mind-space-portal thing trying to connect with each other and their lions . He’d seen Shiro, and he could still hear his voice calling out to him. 

_ Lance! Lance, listen! Listen…! _

He groans in frustration and stands up.  He can’t keep still, not when his mind is running a thousand ticks a minute, and his body  is filled with stress and adrenaline . He wants, no, he  _ needs  _ to know what Shiro was trying to tell him. It could be the clue to whatever was going on with him recently, but Lance couldn’t  _ hear  _ him. 

Red growls beside him, a calming gesture. He smiles up at her, tired with a headache. He places a hand on her side, rubbing  soothingly and thanking her in his mind. Blue huffed on his other side, annoyed at him ignoring her. He rolled his eyes at her, but walks over and pets her anyway. 

“Lance.” He hears from behind him and startles. He whips around and finds Lotor standing in the doorway.  For once his hair  was tied up in a sleek, stylish ponytail, and he wore casual clothes instead of his daily Emperor attire . Lance  was surprised that he even owned any other clothes. 

“Dude, you don’t  just sneak up on someone like that!” He exclaims, crossing his arms over his chest in defence. 

He still didn’t  fully trust Lotor.  It didn’t escape his attention that Shiro’s new behaviour started and ended with protecting Lotor .  That in itself was surprising because Lotor had done almost nothing to earn their trust in the beginning . He started out as their enemy, and not only that, but he was  _ Zarkon’s  _ son. If that wasn’t suspicious then Lance didn’t know what was. 

“My apologies, I did not mean to startle you,” Lotor said and  _ bowed  _ in apology. 

Lance stared at him, confused at his presence. Lotor wasn’t anti-social per se. He spent most of his time on the Castle following Allura around like a lost, smitten kitten.  He never  actively sought out the other Paladins, and only interacted with them during official team meetings or battles . 

“Okay, yeah, that’s weird. No more bowing, it makes me nervous,” Lance said.  It amused him, the way Lotor’s entire body stuttered to a halt, and his need to please clashed with his  deeply ingrained manners . 

“Of course,” Lotor said, straighten. Lance could tell it took a great difficulty to do so. 

“What’s up, man? You don’t usually come looking for us,” Lance said and Lotor frowned at him in confusion. Lance clarified, “You know you spend most of your time with Allura. And dude, we  _ all  _ know why.”

Lance tried to withhold his smirk at the intense shade of purple Lotor’s cheeks and ears went. Well, it wasn’t as if he was trying to hide it. Everyone on the ship knew that Lotor and Allura were completely smitten with one another. The only one who didn’t believe it was reciprocal was Lotor himself. Which was  really idiotic of him, because that too was  glaringly obvious.  He’d long since gotten over his crush on Allura, resigning himself to the fact that it would never happen, and that they were better off as friends .

“I wished to speak to you about the Black Paladin,” Lotor said, hesitation evident in his voice. 

All playfulness disappeared as Lance caved in on himself. He was sure Lotor noticed the abrupt change in his stature, but  thankfully , he didn’t say anything. But his look said it all. 

“What about Shiro?” Lance asked, as he tried to force a light to and failed.  He looked away from Lotor, instead staring at the wall, and willing the tightness in his chest to dissipate . It didn’t -- it doubled inside and left a gaping hole. 

“As I am sure you’ve noticed, he has gone through a severe change in behaviour.  From what All--the Princess tells me, Shiro never displayed this type of behaviour before . She has her concerns, and from what I can see, you do as well,” Lotor said. 

“Well yeah, he was different before. Like, a lot different, but I guess one guy can only take so much, you know? I can’t  really blame him, even if it -- if he --” Lance couldn’t get the words out and instead falls silent. 

“Even if he takes it out on you,” Lotor finished for him, and Lance glanced up  sharply . “I know it is hard -- for you and for him. I will not excuse his actions, or try to imply that you should forgive him, but. What your Black Paladin has faced, it is much worse than what you or I could ever imagine. There were bound to be…  _side effects_.”

“ I know, okay?  I do, it’s  just ,” Lance was at a loss for words, and breathing  deeply as everything his been burying starts to crawl its way up his throat . “It’s  _Shiro_.  I know that doesn’t make any sense to you, because you’ve never  really known him, but I have. We all have. Sure, we’re not all as close to him as Keith is, but we still  know  him. And he would  _never_ do these things. He was kind and understanding, and he never yelled at me -- at any of us. He never tore us down, never stopped encouraging,  _ believing  _ in us. I don’t --”

His throat seized up and he had to stop. A lump sat in his throat, halting his words. He hadn’t said them out loud yet, not even to himself. 

“I don’t know who he is anymore.”

Lotor  was surprised by his outburst, and so was Lance himself.  He  barely knew Lotor, and they had all  just started trusting, accepting him as a hesitant member of their ever-growing team . He hadn’t warranted Lance’s rant, but Lance had laid it on him anyway. Embarrassment and horror crept into his mind, and he fought the intense urge to flee and never return. 

"I didn't expect your feelings to be so  _intense_ ,"  Lotor said, shock still evident on his face. "I know Shiro's attitude has changed  drastically , but I have to implore you. Please try to understand. My father only told me stories about the things the Witch can do, and as I got older, those stories turned to threats. She could make you forget your entire existence, every memory gone. She could make you believe you were an  entirely different person. No one has ever come out alive -- and those rare few that have, they have never been the same."

Lance always tried his best to not dwell on whatever happened to Shiro when he was away.  His brain would come up with the worst scenarios  each and every time, and it got to a point where he had to force himself not to think about it or he would be sick . And now it turns out that reality was so much worse than anything he could have ever imagined.  _ She could make you believe you were an  entirely different person. Erase every single memory.  _ But Shiro was here, alive and no amount of harsh words would change him. Shiro was much stronger than any of them have ever given him credit for. Lance couldn’t expect him to come out unscathed. Sure it hurt him, but he couldn’t comprehend what must be going in Shiro’s. 

He hears that whispered confession, sees the shifty, unsure eyes as they dart from side-to-side . He tried to hide his nervousness, his uncertainty, but Lance had seen through it. He could see the fear, not only of the situation but of himself. Shiro was afraid of himself. 

_ I haven’t been feeling like myself.  _

It wasn’t an apology, but it was the closest they would get to an honest confession of feelings. If it were Lance, he wouldn’t want to tell anyone either. They’d been worrying about Shiro for such a long time now, and Shiro had picked up on it as well. Lance was sure that he wasn’t particularly fond of this, but it’s  just the way things are. And now, everyone hovered over him, expecting the worst. And Shiro, he would never want to be a burden, he had proven that much. Lance never thought he would ever feel  _ pity  _ for Takashi Shirogane. 

Shiro, his hero, his inspiration, his  _leader_.  He aspired to be like Shiro, and yet here he had been ignoring a blatant problem out of fear. 

“Oh,” Lance said, unable to say anything else. He didn’t know  what  to say. 

Shiro needed them, and they were all keeping themselves at a safe distance. Because it was  _easier._ Easier to not have his rage rain down on them, to not deal with his temper and his furious eyes. Had any of them actually taken the time to ask him --  really ask him -- what was wrong and stayed long enough to listen? Lance, more than anyone else, knew that sometimes you  just needed to push someone. Something has to give  eventually , and you need to be there long enough for that to happen. 

“Why are you telling me this? Why now?” Lance asked, looking at Lotor with tired. Exhaustion was creeping up his spine and spreading through his body. 

“I am to leave this evening, there are many things that need to be in place for the Galra empire to change and move forward. I spoke to Allura, but I could see she was afraid, but you…” Lotor paused, “I’ve seen you with your friends. You  are surrounded by people, but you’re still so  _lonely_.  You think you hide it well, but I am very observant. And Shiro is  just as lonely, and think you  just both need someone who understands.”

Now Lance was beyond last for words. His entire thought process drew to a halt at Lotor’s words. _Was he that transparent?_ No, he pushed that thought away. He had years of practice hiding his feelings from other people. Hunk and Pidge were too observant for their own good, and he was always extra careful around both of them. Much like Shiro, he didn’t want to dump all his problems onto them, when they both already had so much to deal with on their plates. Only the loneliest people recognise one another. It’s that thought that makes him take a second look at Lotor. 

When they’d first come across him, when he was their enemy, he surrounded himself with generals and other hoards of Galra followers . Lance suspected that not a great deal  truly knew Lotor if they hadn’t seen his betrayal coming. Sure, they captured him and held him prisoner. But he’d never put them in danger since then. He gave them all the information they needed to bring down the empire. He killed his own  _father_.  Lotor, he was  just like Shiro.  Just like Lance. 

It’s why he stuck to Allura’s side like glue. She radiated light and understanding, always there with calming words and bright smiles. She was enough to push all Lotor’s demons away, and he couldn’t blame Lotor for wanting to be around her all the time. 

“I’m sorry,” Lance said. He didn’t know what he was apologising for, but he knew they were the right words. There was something here between them now. A mutual connection, a shared darkness with a small smidgen of hope. 

Somehow Lotor understood him better than almost everyone on this ship. He didn’t know what to do with this information. 

Lotor smiled then, the widest Lance had ever seen. He could almost see what Allura saw in him. 

“Me as well,” Lotor said, and Lance watched, amused as his body stuttered on another aborted bow. “I  shall be back in a few days. Until then.”

Lance waved as Lotor left, disappearing out the door as it closed behind him. Lance let out a long breath then, leaning heavy against Blue. She grumbled in his mind, commenting on the strangeness of the meeting. 

“I don’t even know, girl.” He said, running a hand over warm metal. 

__

_But you feel better_ ,  she said, and Lance said. He  was surprised to find that he did. The weight that threatened to suffocate him had subsided, and he could breathe again.  Maybe Lotor wouldn’t be such a bad addition to the team after all. 

“There’s something I have to do,” He told Blue as he pushed away from her. He walked over to Red and gave her one last affectionate pat before leaving. The strong stench of chemicals assaulted his senses once the hanger door closed.  He wrinkled his nose and followed the smell through the castle until he found himself at the entrance to the lab . 

Pidge, Matt and Hunk leaned over whatever they were experimenting with.  They didn’t notice him standing in the doorway, to absorbed in their latest project that Lance would hear about later . He almost cleared his throat and made his presence known, but stopped. He could already hear Pidge’s annoyed tone in his head, scolding him for interrupting them. Hunk would give a fond, but  slightly annoyed look. Matt wouldn’t even bother to look up. 

Instead, he took a deep breath and ignored the way the hollow ache in his chest returned tenfold. He backed away from the door as  quietly as he could, not wanting to draw their attention. He was halfway down the hallway when he let out the breath and walked  normally again. 

He was happy Pidge had his brother back. Although that meant more science and fewer video games. It was selfish and stupid, but Lance had gotten attached to Pidge like he was a big brother again. But Pidge already had a brother, and Lance had  just been a stand-in. And there was nowhere that Pidge was without Hunk. There were times Lance wished he’d studied physics or science so he could talk to them -- spend more time with them. 

He sighed and mentally shook those thoughts from his mind. Whenever he was alone for too long, those thoughts would spring up again. The whispers that plagued him in his sleep and when things were too quiet. 

_ Seventh Wheel.  _

__

_ They aren’t your friends, they don’t care about you.  _

__

_ No one cares about you.  _

__

_ Bet your family doesn’t even miss you.  _

__

_ Why would they? _

__

_ You should’ve left.  _

__

_ ~~Not wanted. Not wanted. Not wanted. Not wanted. Not wanted. Not wanted.~~ _

__

_ **~~Not needed.~~** _

__

“Lance!” Shiro’s voice broke through the haze of awful words. 

Lance gasped. He was sitting on the floor, his breath coming in short, sharp gasps. His heart hammered in his chest, too fast for him to catch his breath. Shiro had crouched down next to him, his arm around Lance’s shoulders as Lance leaned back on his chest. His chest hurt so  badly , he wanted to claw out his heart and feel free for  just a  _second_. 

His entire body trembled with the effort not to cry. He felt awful, stripped raw and naked. And here Shiro was, witnessing his embarrassment. God, he hadn’t had a panic attack this bad in so long. 

“ _ Shiro _ ,” Lance said, gripping Shiro’s bicep so hard his knuckles turned white. 

“It’s okay,  just breathe. Come on, breathe for me, Lance. I know you can do it,” Shiro said, and he sounded so much like the older Shiro that Lance almost did start crying. It had been so long since he’d heard that voice, that kind tone directed at him. 

It took a while for him to calm down, but Shiro muttered encouraging words and helped him even out his breathing. When he finally came around, he was so embarrassed he couldn’t speak. He sat there in silence and leaned against Shiro’s side. 

“I’m sorry,” Lance said, his voice quiet and hoarse, “they don’t usually get that bad.”

_ Don’t usually get that bad?  _ Shiro mouthed the words. “These happened often?” 

“ Just sometimes. Not so much anymore, but there are… bad days. And when I get overwhelmed. There are times when I don’t even know why they happened. Usually, I can take care of them myself,” Lance said. It took a tremendous amount of trust to force the words out of his mouth. He hated that, if he chose to do so, Shiro could use this information against. He  just hoped -- and trusted -- that he wouldn’t. 

“By yourself?” Shiro asked, his eyes widening. “ Lance,  no. You- You can’t do that. What happened  just now  _scared the shit_ out of me.  And you’re telling me this happens often.”

Anger welled up inside him then.  _How dare he--?_ “ Well, it’s not as if you’ve shown me any kind of sympathy before. Right now, I’m terrified. I’m  terrified  you’re going to use this against me -- because you’ve used everything else! I don’t even know if I can trust you right now!” 

Shiro looked stricken his face crumpling. That angry mask he wore everyday shattered, displaying real fear, real self-loathing. And Lance, he knew that feeling all too well. 

“Look, I know it’s difficult for you, okay? I do. But you’ve  just been such a-a  _ dick _ lately. And I’m trying to give you space, and time to heal and whatever, but you keep pushing  all of us away. And we don’t know what do to anymore, you won’t let us help. And yet, here you are telling me I should rely on my teammates for help? Hypocritical much?

“And  I feel so horrible,” Lance said,  finally  saying the words out loud. “ I feel terrible and I hate that most of the time  _ you’re  _ the reason. I worshipped you, from when I was in the academy until now. You let me down, Shiro. You left me _drowning,_ and I don’t know  what do do. ”

The burning behind his eyes returned, and he shut them  tightly . It was only Shiro, but the team, everything. He loved space and he loved his lion --  lions  \-- and his friends, but he missed home. He missed the noise and the people and his  family.  It all became too much, and couldn’t handle it. He didn’t know how. 

“I,” Shiro said, and his voice cracked, “am  _so sorry_.  I know I’ve been terrible, and I want to change, I do, but I don’t know how either.  I feel so-so  _angry_ all the time. And it’s not because of you, or any of the other Paladins. I’m angry at myself. Because I can’t get over it, I can’t  forget  and I want to. So  badly .”

Lance shifted so that he sat flat and faced Shiro. Shiro wouldn’t look at him, instead staring at his hands. He clenched and unclenched them, watching as the muscle and metal flexed. 

“It was all so long ago, but it feels so fresh, so raw. I can’t stop seeing it in my mind, in my dreams, all the things she did to me,” he said. Lance shivered, remembering Lotor’s words. 

“It’s like everything sets me off, and I don’t know  why.  I never meant to take it out on you -- on any of you. You guys are the most important people in my life, and I’m ruining everything.”

He sounded so wrecked, Lance couldn't stand it.

“Hey.  Hey, ” Lance said, gripping Shiro’s shoulders and shaking him until he met Lance’s eyes, “I am still here. We are all still here. And we aren’t going anywhere. We have dealt with much worse than a few mood swings and harsh words.”

“But Lance--”

“ _ No.  _ You listen to me, yeah? We’re going to get through this,  together.  Because we’re team Voltron, defenders of the universe, and we can do anything. Even this.”

Shiro stared at him, his eyes wet with unshed tears, and Lance was afraid it would be Shiro that broke down this time. Lance pulled him forward into a hug. Shiro held on so  tightly , Lance was sure Shiro would crush his body. 

“I know I said you let me down, but it was bound to happen. They say never meet your heroes and all that. But this time,” Lance said, pulling away from Shiro and looking into his eyes, “it’s my turn to hold you up. An I can promise you right now, I  _ will not  _ let you down. Got it?”

Shiro nodded, sniffing. He gave Lance a watery smile, and Lance had to hug him again. They stayed like that for a while, taking in the support they had both needed for so long. 

“What’s going on here?” Hunk said as he found them. 

Lance glanced up, catching sight of Hunk, Pidge, Matt, Allura and Coran all standing a few feet away from them. They wore identical expressions of confusion and worry on their faces. Lance smiled, bright as the sun. 

“It’s a group hug,  _duh_! ” He said and motioned them over. 

Hunk laughed and jumped right, Pidge following right behind. Matt and Allura looked more sceptical but came along anyway. Coran gave a long, dramatic and went on a rant about team bonding and families and so many things Lance lost track. He smiled, happy to  be cradled in their collective warmth. He felt safe, accepted,  happy.  Not completely, not yet, but it was getting there. 

He knew there was one person missing -- a piece of a whole, gone for now but not forgotten. He missed Keith. He missed their stupid fights and his dumb mullet. And his ghost of a smile whenever Lance said something funny (and he thought Lance couldn’t see him).  But Keith had his own mission to complete, and right now Lance wanted to bask in his contentment without another shadow looming over him . 

_ A family,  _ Coran had called them. A dysfunctional one, sure. But they were getting there. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some platonic Lance and Shiro for y'all, because I was starved during season 5. Both my sons deserve the universe, man, I love them. I hope you enjoyed it.


	3. Chapter 3

it’s been almost a week since Lotor left to return to the Galra Empire. In that time, things had taken a … strange turn of events.  After Shiro opened up to him about his true feelings, Lance could tell that he was trying to  actively change the way he behaved around the rest of the team . He didn’t always succeed, but he always tried to make up for it afterwards. 

They’d all come up with a system.  If Shiro felt irritable, angry or frustrated, one of them would escort him to the training deck and let him go a few rounds with the robots until he felt better . They’ve had to rebuild quite a few of those robots since then, but it was worth it to see Shiro finally relax. 

If that didn’t work, Matt and Pidge created a non-harmful drug, that could  be administered at any time.  They assured Allura and the rest of the team that the drug wouldn’t have any side effects, and wouldn’t cause any short or long-term damage to Shiro’s body or mind . 

It was all a work in progress, and Lance didn’t expect to see results within the first week.  He knew it would take a long time for Shiro to get back to the way he was before, but to see him trying his best and cooperating with them warmed Lance inside . 

Shiro also started helping him with his training.  Lance remembered making some off-hand comment about Keith always beating him in hand-to-hand combat . And Shiro offered to help him. After all, half of Keith’s training came from Shiro and the academy. Lance was so happy, that he didn’t  fully register what the training would entail. 

And that’s what led them here. 

“Oh, my god. Can we  _ please  _ take a break?” Lance asked, out of breath and wheezing. 

He laid flat on the ground, with his knees pulled him. Shiro knelt in front of him, keeping his feet pressed into the floor. He gave Lance a disapproving look, but Lance could see the hidden amusement in his expression. 

“No, you’ve already had two breaks,” Shiro said, patting his leg to tell him to continue. “Finish this rep and you can have some of Hunk’s cooking.”

Well, if that wasn’t a good incentive, then Lance didn’t know what was. 

He heaved his upper body up, his muscles quivering as he went. He tried to breathe  deeply , but his ribs felt too tight around his lungs. He continued this, lowering himself to the ground and pushing up, trying his best to get air into his lungs. 

Lance knew he wasn’t unfit -- he wouldn’t have been able to take on Galra soldiers if he were -- but he never worked out this  intensely before . Sure, he spent hours on the training deck, but he never did this.  Maybe this was the reason Keith always beat him in training. He had a new respect for the mullet wearing asshole now. 

“Now was that so hard?” Shiro asked, smirking down at him where he lay heaving on the ground. 

Lance glared up at him, but couldn’t say anything around his wheezing breath. Shiro held a hand out and dragged Lance to his feet. He handed him a bottle of water, and Lance guzzled it down as if it were the most delicious thing in the universe. 

“You are one evil,  _ evil  _ man, Shiro,” Lance said when he caught his breath. “No wonder you’re so ripped.”

“Hey,” Shiro said, raising his hands in defence, “ _ you’re  _ the one who asked for my help. You should’ve seen this coming.” 

Lance rolled his eyes, but couldn’t say anything in return as Pidge appeared in the doorway. 

“Hey, Lotor’s back and wants to see us all in the control room,” he said, giving Lance an exasperated look. 

“We’ll be right there,” Shiro said, giving Pidge a thumbs-up. 

Pidge gave him a dubious look but didn’t comment on the strangeness. He gave a hesitant nod before disappearing down the hall. 

“ I wonder what he wants to see us about,” Lance said, finishing the last of the water and throwing the bottle in one of the bins . 

Ever since the Paladins explained recycling to Coran, he  was fascinated by it. He had several bins around the castle, each colour-coded for plastic, glass and paper.  Pidge found it all amusing, but he didn’t have to deal with Coran’s disapproving looks when Lance put glass in the plastic bin . 

They walked in silence, both content not to say anything. Lance felt worn and exhausted, but in a good way. He could go for a long, hot shower right now. And a nap.  _ Quiznack _ _,_ did he want a nap. But of course, there was never a dull moment on team Voltron. 

“Paladins,” Allura said once they entered the room, “Lotor brings us some… _ disturbing  _ news.” 

She turned to Lotor then, and Lance doesn’t like the expression on her face. His chest tightens in anticipation. Lotor doesn’t look much better. He tries to give Allura a smile, but it’s fragile and thin. He’s never seen Lotor look like that. 

“As I’m sure you all know, not all factions have pledged allegiance to me. They refuse me as their new emperor and have either started attacking my fleet or each other.  But what is more troubling,” Lotor said, and paused to take a deep breath, “Some of them have begun rallying behind the Witch .” 

“ _What_?”  Shiro said, his voice sharp and angry. 

It had been a week without that tone, and Lance had almost forgotten how it sounded. It was quick, like a knife. Lance was  just glad it wasn’t directed at him anymore. That doesn’t mean he doesn’t still flinch at it. 

Shiro notices this, and his face goes blank before morphing into an apologetic frown. He softened his tone when he speaks again.

“What do you mean ‘rallying’? The last I saw, none of the generals would accept her as she was only half Galra. Why now?” Shiro asked, sounding  genuinely distressed. 

“I am not completely Galra either, but I assume it’s because of the change I want to bring. They are desperate to keep things as they were -- to stick to the old resume. It gave them power, fear. Everything they wanted. But now they see me as a threat to that, and they have chosen to follow Haggar because she still believes in the old ways.” Lotor said. 

They all fell silent, contemplating this. It was Hunk who spoke up. 

“What are you going to do? Are they planning an attack? We don’t even know how many followers she has!”

The pit in Lance’s stomach ate at his insides, heavy and painful. He knew it was irrational, but the only picture in his head was Earth.  _ What if the Galra reached Earth?  _ It was light-years away, but with their advanced technology, Lance had no doubt they would be able to get there . And Keith’s existence proved that at least some Galra have already been to earth. 

“I am afraid it gets worse,” Lotor said. 

“ _Worse_?  How could this situation  possibly get any worse?” Lance exclaimed. 

“I’m not sure how she did it -- I don’t know if she used her powers, or if the breach sent out some kind of signal, but…” Lotor wavered. He looked at Allura with a pained expression. She mirrored it. “She has found the planet. She has found Oriande.”

The room went up in an uproar. Pidge and Matt were screaming obscenities, while Allura was trying to calm Coran down. Lotor looked heartbroken, and Shiro was  utterly silent. Lance didn’t know what to say either. 

From what Allura told them, Oriande was the birthplace of Altean Alchemy. Alchemists could harness their own quintessence, they could create an infinite amount. And Galra, they ran on quintessence. It’s what gives them their power, what allows them to live for centuries. And Haggar -- she knew where the planet was. If she found a way to convince the Gods to grant her the knowledge they’d granted Allura it would all be over. 

Everything they’ve ever done would be for nothing. All the planets they saved, the people they freed would go back to the way they were before, if not worse.  Lance still remembered Shay and her family, living underground in the mines, forced to harness crystals from their own planet . Or the Olkari, forced to live and work under the Empire’s tyrannous reign. They had their homes destroyed and forced to create technology that would  be used to hurt others. 

Haggar would have the power to take over the entire universe, and she would be  infinitely worse than Zarkon . With Zarkon, they knew he wanted power. He was greedy and selfish and lived off the fear of those he had under his thumb. Haggar helped him, stood by his side and guided him -- even when he  arrogantly tossed her aside. 

They didn’t know what she wanted, what her agenda was. And now she would have the power to do anything she wanted, destroy anything. Her powers were already so fierce, vast and terrifying. As Lotor said, she could both mentally and  physically alter anyone she came across. Lance didn’t want to imagine what she would be capable of with this boost. 

“Well, we can’t  just sit here wondering what to do. We need a plan, and we need it now.  We can’t allow Haggar and her followers to become any more powerful than they already are,” Lance said, drawing everyone’s attention to him . 

Pidge and Matt looked surprised at his outburst, but Allura nodded in agreement.  Hunk raised his eyebrows in Lance’s direction, but he ignored them and looked straight at the Princess . 

“Lance is right, I’ve decided to send word to both the Coalition and the Blade of Marmora, requesting a meeting. We are still deciding on a suitable planet, outside of the Galra’s reach. We should hear back within a few Vargas,” Allura said. 

“And what do we do until then? We can’t sit here waiting for their response,” Matt said and crossed his arms over his chest. 

“We need to prepare ourselves. They are going to have a lot of questions, and we have to be able to answer them. We want their help. We want their  trust.  We have to give them something in return,” Allura said. 

“We also need to ask for their help in training,” Lance said, and everyone turned back to him again. 

“Why would we need their help?” Pidge asked, scowling. 

“The Blade has been around for longer than we have, and they have more information about the Galra and their methods of attack than we do. We usually go in blind and hope for the best. We _barely_ make it out alive every time, and they can give us the edge we need to take on the Galra and _win_ ,” Lance said. 

They stared at him, eyes wide with shock and mouths hanging open. Uncertainty crept up in the back of his mind, and he wondered if he should have stayed silent instead. No one said anything for so long that he almost retracted his words. 

“Lance is right,” said Matt, of all people. 

It wasn’t that Matt and Lance didn’t get along, but rather that they had no reason to. Much like Lotor, Matt didn’t interact with Lance unless it was during missions. 

“If we need to give them something, it can’t be what they already have. We’ll split ourselves between the training deck and the lab. Pidge and Matt will come up with something to offer the Blade. Hunk, Shiro and I will take the first training session,” Lance said and looked around at the group. “Is that okay?”

He didn’t like ordering people around, especially his friends. It made his skin crawl knowing that they might resent him. But Matt  just nodded, and Hunk smiled and Pidge rolled his eyes in fond annoyance. Lance let out the breath he’d been holding and smiled at them. 

“Let’s get to work, team,” Allura said. 

They all scattered, but before Lance could follow Hunk and Shiro out the door, Allura called him back. 

“Lance, wait.” She said, and he paused. 

Lotor was off in the corner talking with Coran. There was lots of furious hand gestures and funny expressions. He turned to catch Shiro waiting for him in the doorway. 

“Go ahead, I’ll be right there,” Lance said and waved him away. Shiro wavered for a tick before nodding and leaving. 

Lance bounded over to where Allura stood, illuminated by the glow of the holograms floating above her head . Lance was nervous to approach, not knowing what she wanted to talk about. He hadn’t done anything wrong recently -- that he knew of -- so it must be something else. 

“What’s up, Princess?” he asked, rubbing the back of his neck. 

He kept his hands in his jacket pockets and tried not to slouch too much. She was royalty after all, and that seemed rude. 

“I only wanted to tell you how  _ proud  _ I am of you, Lance,” Allura said, and he almost reared back. Allura was proud of him? Why?

“Y-you are?” he said and tried to keep the scepticism out of his voice. 

She placed her hands on his shoulders then, and he stood up straight, lifting his chin. She looked at him and smiled, and he could really see the pride in her eyes. And it was for him. Because of him. 

He almost couldn’t stand it. 

“You’re  really come into your own, I see it every day. First your Bayard, and now this. I can’t tell you how happy I am to watch you grow. I am certain that you’ll be a great leader one day, Lance,” Allura said. 

This time he did rear back. She might as well have thrown a bucket of ice over him because he  was frozen . 

“L-Leader? Me?” Lance asked in disbelief. “Prince-Allura, you can’t think that  _ I _ \--?”

She shushed him. “ Maybe not now,  maybe not  soon.  But I have the utmost faith in you, more so than anyone else. There is no doubt in my mind that one day,  _ you  _ will lead Voltron.”

Lance was so shocked he couldn’t think of anything coherent to say. Allura smiled again and pulled him into a hug. He was so out of it that he didn’t remember to hug her back. She pulled away and squeezed his shoulders one last time, before joining Coran and Lotor. 

His brain was still stuck.  _You will lead Voltron_.  She could  possibly think -- that he -- that  _Lance_ \-- ? No, that didn’t make any sense. Lance couldn’t lead Voltron. He was-he was  Lance.  Shiro could be the Black Paladin, heck even Keith --as terrible as he was at it -- but not Lance. 

But Allura’s words rang in his head, skittering around and banging against his skull.  _ You’ll be a great leader one day.  ** There is no doubt in my mind.  ** _

She had faith in him, and from the awestruck look on his friends’ faces, they did too. He could almost see Keith’s ghost smile in his head. He might not believe in himself, but his team did. And he couldn’t -- he  _ wouldn’t _  -- let them down.

 

***** 

Shiro was almost to the training deck when the ringing started. It rattled in his ears and drew him to a halt. It wasn’t painful, only irritating. Hunk gave him a strange look, but he waved him off. As they continued walking, the ringing got louder. He tried to ignore it, but the persistent noise had him on edge. 

“Hey man, are you feeling okay? You don’t look so good,” Hunk said, worry and agitation clouding his features. Shiro was about to reassure him that he was fine, but then everything went white. 

The change was so abrupt he dropped to his knees. He was aware of Hunk next to him, gripping his arm and calling his name. He was too far away to answer him. 

The lights were, so bright they burned his eyes. He tried to blink the glare away, but it only got worse. There were noises surrounding him, voices and machinery. Their voices were too loud, reverberating through his head, but he couldn’t hear what they were saying. Another noise overshadowed all else, a low grumble in the back of his mind. 

It was familiar. Familiar in the sense that he  should  know what it was, but he didn’t. somewhere, in the back of his mind, he knew what that sound was. He knew the fear and horror that came with it. He wanted to back away, to move as far away from it as possible, but he couldn’t. 

He  was strapped down. Wires and metal held his arms and legs and waist flat against the hard surface beneath his back.  _ No,  _ he thought with growing terror. He blinked, once, twice, but nothing cleared. Shapes moved before him, colourful and bright. They  were blurred , and he couldn’t distinguish any features. The most he tried to focus, the blurrier everything became. 

_ Oh no, no, no. We can’t have this.  _

That voice. He knew that voice. It haunted his nightmares. It clawed at his mind and ripped it to shreds. 

 

_** Mine, mine, mine. ** _

 

He still heard her, always her. Everything he did, anywhere he went, he heard her. No drugs could get her out of his head. 

Leave me alone!  He wanted to scream, but nothing came out. His vocal cords were stung tight and painful to move. Every time the rubbed together, excruciating pain tore down his throat. 

Why was she doing this to him? Why always  _ him _ ? 

He blinked then, and for a split second everything cleared. He wished it hadn’t. Now he could see her, hovering mere millimetres above his face. She wore that same, sadistic smile she always did, and her yellow eyes glinted in the harsh glare of the light. 

He knew it was futile to struggle against his bonds, but he so  desperately wanted to get away. He couldn’t do this again, he  _couldn’t_. 

His heart was beating so fast he feared it would explode out of his chest. But that would be a relief, an end to the continuous pain. And she would never give him mercy. 

Shiro hated the whimper that tore out of his throat then. She smiled at the sound -- the bitch. She gripped the sides of his face with her bony fingers, the sharp claws of her nails digging in and breaking the skin. He wanted to close his eyes, to turn away, but she had him captured in her gaze. 

She dragged him up, and he went however unwillingly. She stopped when their faces almost touched, and for once the smile dropped from her eyes. She looked into his eyes -- into his soul. She took a deep breath and breathed it out into his face. 

_ Sleep… _

“Shiro!” Hunk’s voice said in his ear, loud and clear. He sagged against the wall and bowed his head. 

“I-I n-need to,” Shiro said, but his throat still hurt, a phantom pain that wouldn’t go away. “Lie down.”

Hunk helped him get to his room and  carefully deposited him on the bed. He kicked off his shoes and shucked off his jacket. He curled up on top of the sheet and sighed as his head met the pillow. 

"I'll tell Lance you weren't feeling well," Hunk said,  quietly . 

Shiro didn't have the energy to answer him. The door slid shut behind Hunk as he left. Shiro dozed off, too tired to stay awake, but too afraid to fall asleep. As much as he fought it, consciousness was slipping away from him, and his eyelids fell shut. He tried to fight his way out of it, but the more he struggled, the more the darkness took over. 

"Shiro?" a voice said, and he stumbled back as he came too. 

He felt disorientated. He could remember lying down and falling asleep in his bedroom. But he was standing now, in the middle of the hallway, his shoes and jacket back on. He frowned and looked down at himself. 

"Shiro," the voice came again, and he caught sight of an uncertain Lotor standing in front of him. He almost stumbled back another step. 

"W-what in the--?" Shiro said. 

"We were speaking. You asked me about Oriande, remember?" Lotor said, growing more nervous with each passing second. 

Shiro stared at him, unable to comprehend what he was saying. He had a conversation with Lotor? He doesn't even remember how he got here, much less speaking to  Lotor! 

" Are you alright? Should I call for the other Paladins?" Lotor asked, and Shiro could tell his concern was genuine. 

"Lotor," Shiro said, leaning forward and gripping one of his slim arms. 

Shiro startled Lotor with this, as the Emperor gave him a dubious look. Shiro trembled now, unable to keep the fear at bay. 

"I don't remember our conversation," Shiro said. 

"Well, that's alright? I mean--" Lotor tried to say with a frown, but Shiro cut him off. 

"No, you don't understand. I was asleep. I don't remember getting dressed, or coming down here, or starting our conversation." Shiro said. 

Lotor's eyes widened with the dawning realisation. Shiro gripped his arm tighter. Shiro's chest tightened with ever words.

"I don't know how I got here."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm such a sucker for Black Paladin Lance. Some Shiro/Kuro for y'all


End file.
